STAGE 1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
I am with numbed disbelief. In order to avoid the pain, I have been in denial about the loss of my shape. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed with how my thighs rub together. This may last for weeks.
STAGE 2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that I experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. Ooops. I take another swig from my flask.
I have guilty feelings or remorse over things I did or didn't do with my diet and exercise program (or lack of one). Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
STAGE 3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and I may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for my cellulite on someone else.
I try to control this, as permanent damage to my relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion…usually by stopping in for a nosh at the Hometown Buffet.
I rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" I may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of my despair ("I will never drink again if you just let me lose this back fat.")
STAGE 4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when my friends may think I should be getting on with my life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake me. This is a normal stage of swimsuit shopping, so I do not let myself be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful during this stage.
During this time, I finally realize the true magnitude of the loss of my waist and it depresses me. I may isolate myself on purpose, reflect on things I did when I was 15 lbs. lighter, and focus on memories of the past, when my butt didn’t sag. I may endure feelings of emptiness or despair (which I usually address by driving through a Jack-in-the-Box).
STAGE 5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As I start to adjust to life without a proper fitting swimsuit, things become a little calmer and more organized. My physical symptoms lessen, and my "depression" begins to lift slightly. Wish I could say the same for my breasts.
STAGE 6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As I become more functional, my mind starts working again, and I find myself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by being pool-side in a cover-up or wrapped in a towel. I start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing my life in a one-piece or tankini.
STAGE 7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this swimsuit shopping grief model, I learn to accept and deal with the reality of my situation, my flabby arms and non-existent muscle tone. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Not say, like the happiness derived from consuming a whole package of instant pudding. Given the pain and turmoil I have experienced, I can never return to the carefree, untroubled “me” that existed before this tragedy. But I will find a way forward.
